The Revenge of the Holy Mary
by Meganfitz
Summary: Charlie finally snaps after the Holy Mary statues wash up on the shore. Again. Post Ep for 3 Minutes. Spoilers for 3 minutes. COMPLETE. please read and review.


Title:The Revenge of the Holy Mary.

Author: Meganfitz

Disclaimer: I don't own them, just borrowing them and having fun.

Rating: older Teen

Warnings: Adult language

Post Ep for 3 Minutes

Author's note: It seems like such an obvious story, but I wanted to have fun. Please read and review. It's not a great piece of art, but it made me smirk.

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Charlie was beyond his breaking point. He screeched at the top of his lungs, "BLOODY HELL!" People stopped what ever they were doing and stared at the irate Brit. Charlie stood on shoreline, the water up to his knees holding the Virgin Mary Statues and others were floating about his body. He screamed to the ocean, to the sky, to the island itself. "What the hell do I have to do? When will enough be enough?"

A small crowd stared to walk over to Charlie, including Locke, Jack, Kate, and Hurley and of course Claire.

"I gave up the drug, I burnt the last of my stash. But no, that wasn't good enough. " He yelled at the island, "No, there had to be more temptation, an airplane filled with little virgin Mary Statues and heroin. Seriously, come on, I survive a plane crash just to end up on an island with a massive amount of heroin, what are the freaking odds? Ok I admit it was wrong to take a few statues, but I never used it, you know I didn't. Sawyer hid the stash away from me and I went on my merry little way. Then Vincent or Cerberus, as I am now calling him, drops a statue at my feet. So I threw it into the ocean! I'm giving up my life of sin."

"Good for you Charlie." Kate called out. He spun around wild eyed and crazed unaware that people were watching him.

"Yeah, good for fucking me." He spit out; his language took everyone else back. He held up the statue for proof, "You know what this little bitch does…"

"Charlie." Locke reprimanded Charlie's harsh language towards the holy object.

"Sorry," he apologized to the statue, "she keeps coming back; she's like that cat that came back the very next day." Looks of confusion cross everyone's face. Charlie explained, "you know that song, The Cat Came Back." He rolled his eyes exasperated and held the statue up again. "It keeps washing up on the shore. Everyday they keep coming back."

He looked at the wet statue in his hand and implored to it, "Why? Mary? I thought we were cool? You've always been my favorite patron saint, you and Saint Frances but everyone likes him."

Vincent trotted towards Charlie with one of the other statues in his mouth. Charlie screeched at the dog, "AND YOU! You're worse then any of my dealers, and you're more punctual." The dog dropped the statue and it floated at Charlie's feet, his ears drooped knowing he was being yelled at. Charlie begged the dog, "Please, please if you want to play, get a ball or something. STOP BRINGING THESE TO ME!"

"I'm going bloody daft here!" He screamed out to the island, "What other forms of punishment will you have for me to endure? Huh? Am I going to be eaten by the monster? A polar bear? A shark, maybe? Will I be stricken by a disease?"

Sawyer, who has now joined the on looker leaned into Jack, "This is one of the times I wished I had a video camera, we could play Charlie's mental breakdown over and over again at Christmas."

Charlie let out of yep and screech of pain and hoped out of the water, "Mother bloody fucker" A jelly fish had latched itself to Charlie's leg. Fortunately it was attacked mostly Charlie's pants, but its tendril clamped tight as were starting to work their way to his skin.

Clearly the island had chosen its punishment.

He yanked the jellyfish off and it landed with a thud on the beach. All eyes followed the flying fish and then returned to Charlie.

He sighed in defeat with the statues floating and surrounding, him, "I just don't know how much of this I can take."

"Do you need someone to pee on your leg?" Hurley offered.

Charlie blinked away his horror looking for farther explanation, "Huh?"

"You know, someone could pee on your leg it takes the pain out of a jellyfish sting."

"No it doesn't." Jack shook his head.

"It worked on "Friends" why would TV lie to me?" Hurley questioned.

Claire stepped forward picking up one of the statues, Mary's face was washed away, her once rich blue dressed faded and only lightly tinted. The salt water had done far more damage then the rain and the jungle ever could. "Charlie how long has this been going on?"

"Like twelve days. I swore I'm trying to be a better person, I'm trying to change but I just don't know how much more I can take."

"So for twelve days you've been chucking the Virgin Mary statues into the ocean and expecting some form of punishment form the island?" She followed up.

"Um, yeah." He rubs his throbbing leg.

A sweet, kind smile crossed her face, "Charlie, ask for help."

"Huh?"

She repeated her request, "Ask for help."

"Help?" He asked unsure of the response. Claire dropped the statue in her hand onto the beach and crushed it with her foot. The statue released its addictive powder on the sand. Claire picked up one of the plastic bags of heroin, rubbed it and let the surf wash it away.

Claire placed a loving hand caressed his shoulder; "You don't need to do this on your own. That's what the island is trying to tell you."

A second foot crushed at statue, "Hell, I like to break stuff." Sawyer picked up the heroin and punctured the bag, letting it sift into the water.

The on-lookers destroyed the idols one by one. Jack raised the last one in the air to slam in on the sand when Charlie yelled, "Stop." He took the statue from Jack's hand; he looked at the statue sweetly, not seeing the contents inside but the skills and craftsmanship of the art itself. "She's my favorite." Jack nodded and understanding completely. The statue was handed over to Locke, who cut the base off and let her poison contents fall into his palm. Charlie held the Holy Mother delicately in his hand. "Hey, Jack is there any need for this stuff, I mean could you use it for anything?" Jack nodded. "Then take it, hide it and never let me find it. Deal?"

"Deal."

A weight was lifted from Charlie and breathing seemed easier. However after living with paranoia for so long, it is was hard to give up those feelings and thoughts of dread. "What if the statues come back? What if they wash back up on the shore tomorrow?" After all this was a creepy ass island and nothing was out of the realm of possibility.

Kate shrugged, "Then we'll crush them tomorrow. And the day after that, if need be."

Charlie look at out the water, a few fragments of powder clumped together floated on the sea foam and he glance at the dying jellyfish on the shore. "What if a league of drug addicted jellyfish try to attack us in our sleep, because there's no more heroin left?"

Claire glance at him, trying to understand his logic, "I don't think that will happen."

"But what if it does?" He knew how absurd it was, as he wrapped his hand around Claire's.

"We'll move farther up the beach." Locke suggested, "Jellyfish can't possibly live that long out of water. We'll be fine."

Together the group walked away from the shore.

"Hey, Charlie, about how much was the street value of all that?" Sawyer questioned.

"I'd say about fifty grand." Charlie shrugged as Sawyer's eyes grew wide as he watched the waves take the last bits out to sea.

"Do you think we could still…"

Jack shook his head and patted Sawyer on the back, "its gone. Give it up."

Claire leaned her head on Charlie's shoulder as Vincent dropped a tennis ball at his feet and the world seemed to make sense.


End file.
